A friend came to me the other day looking for help making a decision. This is ironic, as I used to be the most terrible decision maker concerning my own personal life out there. In the past, I have been great at making work decisions, but when it came to my personal life, you couldn’t pay me to make a decision. Rather, the decision would haunt me and I’d feel terrible for days, weeks, even months until that decision had been made. And even after the decision had been made, many times it didn’t sit right with me. I would second guess the decision, wondering if I should have gone in a different direction.
That is no way to live. After years of living proof, you will literally drive yourself crazy trying to make decisions in that fashion. And when you finally have made a decision, because you overthought it, what you eventually decided may not sit right with you. You will second guess what you have already decided, leading to further insanity. That is not how you make a decision from the heart.
Last year, I completed a yoga teacher training (YTT) in the magical land of Ubud on the island of Bali, Indonesia. That 200 hour teacher training absolutely changed my life. Not only did it change my entire perspective on life, I realized it has helped me to make decisions with ease, knowing that my decisions are now made from the heart.
When my friend recently approached me trying to make a decision in her life, I felt honored. Me, the one who couldn’t have made a decision to save her life a year ago. Now that I’ve got that YTT under my belt, my friend knew I had changed and she didn’t want to go to anyone else to discuss her problem. As luck would have it, we had an hour long conversation. During that time, I gave her some tips and tricks on how she could make the decision. But as she was talking to me, that is all it took. Her decision was made at the end of that hour long talk. Again, I felt honored. Is this something I can help others with now too?
So here I am, happy to help you in your decision making endeavors. I am not here to give you answers. I cannot give you any advice on which decision is best. Your friends, coworkers, and family can easily do that. But they aren’t the ones in the situation. Only you can make a decision for yourself. Only you know what you feel in your heart, you simply have to know how to access that. Without coming from the heart and your intuition, the decision may not be the best one. It may not be in flow. You want to know what your intuition, your gut, is telling you to do. You simply need to know how to access that.
So how do we access it?
1. Meditation. I cannot stress the importance of this one enough. Meditation is the pathway to the soul. Only in quieting the mind can we access what our soul is telling us. Thoughts tend to take over our lives. We get very involved in our story, thinking it is reality when really, it is simply a story we create in our heads; it is our perception of that reality. But the reality is - it is all an illusion. Life is an illusion. If you can simply access what is deep inside, you will know what the best decision is by following your heart.
2. Silence. Silence is necessary to quiet the mind. Going hand in hand with meditation, it is not exactly the same. Silence might mean unplugging from social media for a while so that your thoughts aren’t clouded by what’s going on in your Facebook feed. Silence might mean taking a morning off from work to do what you love by yourself, no interruptions. Silence might mean reading a book at home at night before bed. Silence might mean a walk in nature alone. Silence might mean going to a coffee shop to read your favorite book and sip on some coffee.
You decide what silence means. It might mean going on a silent meditation retreat. It might mean turning your phone off and being with only your thoughts before bed. It might mean canceling your dinner plans so that you can be alone, if that’s what you feel you need. Distractions will not help decision making. Being alone, silent, and trying to tap into your soul will.
3. Learn to appreciate alone time. While slightly different from silence, being alone will allow you to uncover that within your heart and soul needs to be heard. Everything else is just a distraction. Do you find it difficult to be alone? Ask yourself why that is. Maybe you are just used to being surrounded by people. Maybe you like the distractions from your chaotic mind (pro tip: everyone has a chaotic mind). Even if you have found alone time difficult in the past, you must make some alone time a priority in order to get rid of the mental clutter and distractions that are not helpful for heart-centered decision making. Even if it’s just for half an hour and no matter what you do during that time, alone time is medicine for the soul.
4. Nature. Sit under a tree. Ground with the earth. Bask in the sun. Go for a walk in a park. Tap into the energy of the earth. In the west, we have created lifestyles that take us away from the energy of the earth and replaced it with energy from technology. This technology operates at a lower vibration and has invaded our energy, when we are meant to be one with nature. One with the earth, the ground, the air, the elements.
So take a walk in the snow. A swim in the lake. Read a book under a tree. Give yourself time outdoors to help you tap into your soul.
5. Self-care. What makes you feel good? What do you want to do to calm your mind in your free time? Whatever it is that makes you feel good, find time to do that. In our busy lives, this is frequently neglected. But it is so critical to helping us make better decisions about our lives and to maintain a sense of peace, calm, and balance in a chaotic world.
Examples of things we can do for self-care are:
I think you get the gist here. Take the time in every day for a little self-care. If you don’t, it’ll be more difficult to follow your heart and make the best decision for your soul.
6. Flip a coin. I know this sounds crazy. But it is actually a great technique to access your gut reaction to different options. Set one option as heads, one option as tails. Flip the coin. Before your thoughts get involved, you should know what your initial reaction was to whatever side the coin landed. This doesn’t mean that you actually implement whatever the coin flipped. That would be too simple. You just need to know what your gut says about what side the coin landed. Did you feel a sense of dread when it landed on heads? Maybe you should go in the other direction. Did a feeling of knowing and ease set in when it landed on tails? Perhaps that is the way to go. This is simply one technique to use to access what you feel in your heart, without thoughts clouding your intuition.
7. Exercise. What is your favorite form of exercise? Is it yoga? Is it walking, hiking, running? Do that. Do anything that gets the energy flowing. It will release endorphins and get you feeling good and in the right frame of mind to access what you know deep in your soul.
8. Stare at the Bear. I’m beginning to sound like a lunatic, I’m sure. But stay with me here. When I was in Bali this past summer, I went to an amazing two day workshop put on by Jamie Catto called Insanely Gifted. Besides meeting some great people at this workshop, I also came away with some incredible insights. We were oddly directed to bring a teddy bear to class one day. Not having a spare teddy bear lying around from my travels, a kind woman actually gave me one to use and then allowed me to keep it, so I still have it to this day. Essentially, the idea is to ask yourself a question that you don’t yet have the answer to. “Where should I go next on my travels?” “What should my next career move be?” “Should I go to dinner tonight with Sara?” are all possible examples. Anything goes.
Take five or so minutes to literally stare at the bear. Make serious eye contact. Establish a connection with the bear. You might feel strange doing it, but do it. Leave some enlightening music on the in the background, light a candle, do whatever you can to create a relaxing environment. Next ask your question. What comes up? Without overthinking the response, what is literally the first thing that comes up prior to your thoughts overthinking the answer? Again, the key is to get down to the bones of what your intuition is telling you. The first thing that comes up might sound ludicrous. It might seem that it’s not the best answer. That’s okay; sit with what came up and maybe some day it’ll make more sense.
9. Establish a daily routine: While the above exercises are all fruitful for making decisions from the heart, one should try to implement a daily self care routine including many of the above listed items in order to feel grounded enough to be able to make a decision. Even if the self care routine includes only 10 minutes of daily meditation, the daily routine will help you to feel more aligned with yourself and ready to hit the day. I recommend a morning routine, although it’s really possible to implement this whenever it feels best for you. Mid-day, night, 3am; find a time that works for you and stick to it. Make it a daily habit. It’ll make a world of difference.
The most important thing here is to follow your heart. Follow the flow of life. If the decision doesn’t come right away, that’s okay. You are exactly where you need to be at this moment in time. If you haven’t yet made the decision, that is okay too. It will come in due time. There is no need to rush it. The decision will be made when it is ready to be made. When you are in flow, you learn to know what is and isn’t within your control. Sometimes, the answer is simply not yet ready to reveal itself. There is something to be learned from your present predicament. And that’s okay. Let life be, and the decision will come.
With love,
Jodi
* Cover photo taken in Pittsburgh, PA, USA in October 2017; relevance to the post intended to display clarity and vision arising from decision making cloudiness/chaos.